My Quotes.
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: Everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
"It's all fun and games until someone loses a skull."
5. "What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he aint going to come."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?"
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and thought; 'Where the hell is the ceiling'?'"
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died!"
"If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way!"
10. "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!"
"How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?"
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants!"
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
15. "Everyone has photographic memory, most just don't have film."
"Always remember your unique, just like everyone else!"
"If you die in an elevator be sure to push the up button before you go!"
"That looks like something Marks made when Spencer wasn't looking!"
20. "It's tricky this one.... because I have no idea what's going on!"
"The Japanese love their whales.... especially as a starter."
"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to?"
As my old dad used to say, "Which one are you again?"
"It's not big, and it's not funny!"
25. "I'm Isaac Mendez, and I can only apologize!"
"The sport of diving is basically falling over!"
"Porn brings us together, and togetherness... is... porn."
"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, then it becomes a new game; find the eye!"
30. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidenc that you ever tried!"
"Only the Butterflys can save us now!"
"Truly great friends are hard to find, but impossible to shoot!"
"I would rather feel pain than get hit by a bus."
"Give a man a fire, and he will be warm for a night; set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life!"
35. "Religion is a way of life; Science is why it's wrong!"
"pi is my favourite number... because it is also a food!"
"If I wanted to have sex with you, I would have done it on the way in!"
"If a tree falls in the forst and there's no-one around to hear it, does anyone care?"
"A true friend never gets in your way, because if they do you'll F**KING KICK THEIR ASS!"
40. "This would be a good place to stop, if we weren't moving at the speed of light!"
"A true friend reaches for your hand, but they just want the crisps your eating!"
42. "The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away, but their still going to get a kicking!"
