Modest Islamic dress for women (ladies only please!)

Hi Emma,

Congratulations on your pregnancy! How exciting! I bet your hubby and mother in law hope it's a boy! Only baby girls for me so far :(

Thanks for your message. Gosh, we DO have lots in common don't we? I'll happily give you some advice and I hope you find it useful. You love your husband, you agreed to all the rules and you find Islam beautiful. So you are on the right track!

It is natural that you struggle with the isolation and segregation of your new life. For a convert, used to jeans and T-shirts, shrouding yourself from head to toe in yards of black nylon is hard. You are bound to get angry and upset at times. But that is because your old life was WRONG!!! I'm sure you want to be a good Muslimah. Islam teaches us that men are men and women are women. It profoundly respects the strength of our natural impulses and teaches us the paramount importance of modesty. You wear your pretty dresses in the home to please your husband. As a wife you can't have any legitimate interest in other men. What would you think of your husband if he let you flaunt yourself before them? so out of doors you cover up - simple! This potects you and protects them. You need to understand why abaya, hijab and niqab are necessary - the sooner the better. A rebellious attitude only prolongs the misery - trust me, I know.

As a wife and mum-to-be your place is in the home. Understand why you aren't allowed out alone or without permission. It ensures that you remain a good wife and are SEEN to be so. It ensures you are kept SAFE! In other words it PROTECTS YOU! Why would a married girl need to wander around on her own.....unless she had something to hide.

You'll spend most of your time and energy on housework so don't resent it. Adopting a positive and enthusiastic attitude to your domestic duties will help you enjoy them and improve your skills. Your husband works hard to provide for you, regard your housework as your love-offering to him. Ask your mother in law for guidance on cooking, cleaning and laundry. She'll accept you more readily if she sees you making every effort to be an obedient and devoted housewife.

It is the way of Islam for your mother in law to be strict with you! As you are a new convert she'll be super-vigilant to make sure you are toeing the line! Accept that she knows far more about Islam (and far more about running a home) than you. My best advice is to keep your mouth shut, do as you are told, and look forward to the day when YOU will have a daughter in law to boss around! Never bring your husband into your squabbles - he's bound to side with his mother.

You've chosen to marry into a strict Muslim family. You've voluntarily accepted their faith. Understand their rules and values and making them YOUR rules and values. Devote yourself wholeheartedly to home, husband, family and faith. Understand why the "restrictions" on your former "freedoms" HELP you to become a pious, dutiful and modest housewife.

I have a couple of questions for you. Do you enjoy your prayers? Are you required to wear skirts all the time?

Best wishes,

S

What hope is there for the future of the human race, when people actually believe this nonsense!

Thanks so much for the quick reply Sheherazade. I really appreciate it. It's nice to know that I am far from the only one that is struggling/struggled to make the required changes from a strict but very agnostic background to a strict Muslim family.

Thanks for the congratulations! Definately hoping for a boy, but a girl would be beautiful as well. How many girls do you have, and what are their ages? And How many children do you and your husband plan to have, if you don't mind me asking? Yes, I understand my old life was wrong-(as my Mother-In-Law reminds me of all the time. lol) but I have to say, it was fun as well. I know that wearing tight jeans, mini skirts and tank-tops out in public is wrong now, but I sometimes do miss it. Espicially when I am out with my husband or Mother-In-Law-(I am NEVER allowed out on my own) and see girls dressed as I used to be. I look after and am proud of my body, and covering up with an abaya and niqab isn't easy for me because of that. With that said, you are right I am kept safe that way, and I am glad for that, because when I was younger I did get in some potentially dangerous and scary situations where I was harassed by strange men, and am glad that the days of those things happening are over.

Yes, Now I pretty much never talk-back to my Mother in Law, it simply isn't worth the potential punishment or the wasted energy, even when at times I think she is being a little too harsh on me, espicially when I am having morning sickness, and am not at 100%.

I do enjoy my prayers, obviously the 5 times a day was hard for me at first, as before I married, I never really prayed. But I am starting to enjoy it now, and really starting to feel the prayers. It is also a nice break from cooking, cleaning and the like. And yes, I am required to wear skirts all the time. And not cute skirts either, but the old school frumpy knee-length skirts with tights on underneath. I am not allowed to wear trousers or jeans anymore. The day after the wedding, my Mother in law, actually threw all my jeans, trousers, T-Shirts, shorts and mini-skirts into a fire! It definately upset me at the time, and it still does a little today to be honest-(you have to admit, it was pretty harsh). With that said, all of my cute dresses I still have, plus some new ones that my husband has bought me, that I wear purely for him in our bedroom. So, I still get to wear nice things that make me feel good about myself when it is just the two of us.

If you don't mind me asking, what is a typical "punishment" for you if you disobey or upset your husband/Mother-In-Law? I am just curious as a fellow wife who is subject to punishment.

Emma.

I think that although Allah may not make being fully veiled a requirement for you ... then if your husband requests you do do it then you should. It is also an extra sign to Allah of your pious devotion. I decided by choice to fully veil. Please Sister try with ahappy heart to do this

emma what is your punishment if you dis obay them