Which of these sentiments are funny? Worldly Card Line

There are so many things to cherish with the passing of time. [pic of desert sand] Vaginal dryness not being one of them. Happy birthday, you dried up old crow.

It's your birthday. [pic of cake] Time to stuff some cake in that hagface.

For your birthday I told everyone you're much younger than they thought. [cafe scene] Not that I'm asking for a huge favor in return but it wouldn't kill you to buy me a cup of coffee.

Yes, I remembered. Happy birthday. [pic of mass distruction] And, no, I won't help you clean your house for your party.

You're older than he is--and for most people, for that matter [show small kid with basket over his face, swimming in muddy water]. But you're not playing hide and seek in a drainage ditch. You definitely have that going for you on your birthday.

So many people have died this year. [pic of graveyard] I heard you haven't. Happy birthday.

You've been cruelly denying yourself for the past 364 days. [pic of statue of ogre with six cigarettes in mouth]. Just get the pack of Parliaments. It's your birthday, for Christ's sake.

Here's what I want to do on your birthday. [pic of extremely endowed nude statue]. Go out with someone else. Would you mind?

Here's what I want to do on your birthday. [sign that says WRECK] Get drunk and cry because we’re about the same age. I'm betting that's what you want, too.

News flash for you. It’s your birthday today! [pic of tv] In celebration I will be watching TV alone. Have a great one.

I get tired just thinking about all the things we could do for your birthday. [pic of bed] Seriously, I’m exhausted. Call me when it’s over.

14. Here's what I've done for your birthday. [pic of lion statue with tongue sticking out] Arranged a sex show with women, men, and animals at your place. I mean, I didn't know your parents were coming over. I set it up like a month ago. But I guess we could work them into it somehow.

It's your birthday. Let's do something different to celebrate this year. [pic of dark alley with rising smoke] Like smoke crack outside of an emergency room, just in case we overdose.

I want to give you a really fun birthday party. [show carousel] But because you're an adult, not a four-year old child, I’m incapable of doing that.

Oh Christmas! [pic of xmas caroler with mouth open in "o" shape singing]. Did I say oh because I meant no.

Christmas. [red and white mexico city street scene] No mas.

Well if it isn't Christmas. [show pic of blow up santa raft] If I weren't so beat down from shopping, I'd punch your fat red nose.

Christmas is coming! [cheery christmas scene] Run.

Christmas is for money-grubbing pigs who live to stuff their homes with meaningless junk. [pic of xmas pigs] Bring that shit on.

Ah, Christmas. [xmas goats] I’d rather have goats pee in my mouth. But that's just my feeling about it.

It's Christmas time! [religious statue hands grasped in gratitute] Time to thank someone for a Josh Grobin CD.

Our love is great. [pic of pile of hundreds of dead fish] Let those who have not tasted it continue standing in judgment.

Before meeting you, I could not imagine my butt being used for anything but poop. [sign with person with hands up, other person gun pointing at him, top of sign reads Protected Place] With you, I feel like anything is possible.

I’ve always said, "Isn't a finger, or a couple fingers enough? What's up with the up-to-the-elbow action? [pic of graffiti, giant fist, index finger pointing at you] With you, I feel like anything is possible.

The time we've spent together is quite like your penis. [storefront with hanging bunches of plantains] Sometimes it seems shorter and sometimes longer but it still works so it's all good.

It's like asking for a golden tower. [pic of golden tower] And getting a golden shower. Sorry I let you down. I suck.

It's like when finally it occurs to you, "The Buddha wouldn't smash this bug"--[pic of benevolent buddha] Before you smash it and scream, "I got ya! Because I'm bigger and stronger and smarter." Progress is victory. Congratulations on yours.

Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of two mannequins talking] “I heard he has the g-warts. Don't sleep with him.” And I wouldn’t. Lucky we found each other. You’re my hero.

Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of ripped couch in trash next to dirty milk cartons] “Just get that shit at IKEA.” And I would. Lucky we found each other. You’re my hero.

Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of Bratz dolls and lime green Barbies] “Don't go down that road or you'll end up sucking cock a buck a yard." And I wouldn’t. Lucky we found each other. You’re my hero.

Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of food cart that says Crazy Cup Corn Mr. Happy Catering] “Let's go to the buffet and eat like hogs at a trough until we puke in a public trash can.” And I would. Lucky we found each other. You’re my hero.

Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say: [pic of mannequin with terrible clothes] “You shouldn't wear that anymore--for so many reasons.” And I wouldn’t. Lucky we found each other. You’re my hero.

Because you're my best friend and I tell you everything, I'll tell you this on your special day. [sign that says RELAX] I've done heroin! I love you, mom. You're the best. P.S. Just kidding. Though one of your other children-who will remain unnamed-has.

If, while dressed in your Easter best, you see a purple bunny laying a chocolate egg . . .[show two girls dressed in easter dresses] give me the egg and get back on your meds. Happy Easter.

You have a baby now! [pic of cherubic baby statue] Let's leave it at that.

Congratulations about your beautiful new baby. [show pic of little kids in line on field trip holding a rope led by an adult] How soon we stop judging people who keep their children on human leashes.

So happy for you. Your baby is so cute! [statue of baby holding up huge dollar sign] I told everyone else their babies were cute too. In comparison, let’s just say I hope they're good in math or something else that will make them rich.