There are so many things to cherish with the passing of time. [pic of desert sand] Vaginal dryness not being one of them. Happy birthday, you dried up old crow.
39% (9) | kind of funny | |
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26% (6) | funny | |
21% (5) | really funny | |
13% (3) | hilarious |
23 voters have answered this question.
It's your birthday. [pic of cake] Time to stuff some cake in that hagface.
43% (10) | kind of funny | |
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34% (8) | funny | |
8% (2) | really funny | |
13% (3) | hilarious |
23 voters have answered this question.
For your birthday I told everyone you're much younger than they thought. [cafe scene] Not that I'm asking for a huge favor in return but it wouldn't kill you to buy me a cup of coffee.
26% (6) | kind of funny | |
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30% (7) | funny | |
30% (7) | really funny | |
13% (3) | hilarious |
23 voters have answered this question.
Yes, I remembered. Happy birthday. [pic of mass distruction] And, no, I won't help you clean your house for your party.
30% (7) | kind of funny | |
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39% (9) | funny | |
21% (5) | really funny | |
8% (2) | hilarious |
23 voters have answered this question.
You're older than he is--and for most people, for that matter [show small kid with basket over his face, swimming in muddy water]. But you're not playing hide and seek in a drainage ditch. You definitely have that going for you on your birthday.
40% (9) | kind of funny | |
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45% (10) | funny | |
4% (1) | really funny | |
9% (2) | hilarious |
22 voters have answered this question.
So many people have died this year. [pic of graveyard] I heard you haven't. Happy birthday.
13% (3) | kind of funny | |
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31% (7) | funny | |
36% (8) | really funny | |
18% (4) | hilarious |
22 voters have answered this question.
You've been cruelly denying yourself for the past 364 days. [pic of statue of ogre with six cigarettes in mouth]. Just get the pack of Parliaments. It's your birthday, for Christ's sake.
36% (8) | kind of funny | |
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22% (5) | funny | |
27% (6) | really funny | |
13% (3) | hilarious |
22 voters have answered this question.
Here's what I want to do on your birthday. [pic of extremely endowed nude statue]. Go out with someone else. Would you mind?
40% (9) | kind of funny | |
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27% (6) | funny | |
18% (4) | really funny | |
13% (3) | hilarious |
22 voters have answered this question.
Here's what I want to do on your birthday. [sign that says WRECK] Get drunk and cry because weâÂÂre about the same age. I'm betting that's what you want, too.
27% (6) | kind of funny | |
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36% (8) | funny | |
22% (5) | really funny | |
13% (3) | hilarious |
22 voters have answered this question.
News flash for you. ItâÂÂs your birthday today! [pic of tv] In celebration I will be watching TV alone. Have a great one.
40% (9) | kind of funny | |
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36% (8) | funny | |
22% (5) | really funny | |
0% (0) | hilarious |
22 voters have answered this question.
I get tired just thinking about all the things we could do for your birthday. [pic of bed] Seriously, IâÂÂm exhausted. Call me when itâÂÂs over.
10% (2) | kind of funny | |
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45% (9) | funny | |
35% (7) | really funny | |
10% (2) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
14. Here's what I've done for your birthday. [pic of lion statue with tongue sticking out] Arranged a sex show with women, men, and animals at your place. I mean, I didn't know your parents were coming over. I set it up like a month ago. But I guess we could work them into it somehow.
42% (9) | kind of funny | |
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23% (5) | funny | |
23% (5) | really funny | |
9% (2) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
It's your birthday. Let's do something different to celebrate this year. [pic of dark alley with rising smoke] Like smoke crack outside of an emergency room, just in case we overdose.
23% (5) | kind of funny | |
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33% (7) | funny | |
23% (5) | really funny | |
19% (4) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
I want to give you a really fun birthday party. [show carousel] But because you're an adult, not a four-year old child, IâÂÂm incapable of doing that.
30% (6) | kind of funny | |
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35% (7) | funny | |
15% (3) | really funny | |
20% (4) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
Oh Christmas! [pic of xmas caroler with mouth open in "o" shape singing]. Did I say oh because I meant no.
47% (10) | kind of funny | |
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33% (7) | funny | |
9% (2) | really funny | |
9% (2) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Christmas. [red and white mexico city street scene] No mas.
52% (11) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
23% (5) | funny | |
9% (2) | really funny | |
14% (3) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Well if it isn't Christmas. [show pic of blow up santa raft] If I weren't so beat down from shopping, I'd punch your fat red nose.
42% (9) | kind of funny | |
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33% (7) | funny | |
4% (1) | really funny | |
19% (4) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Christmas is coming! [cheery christmas scene] Run.
33% (7) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
19% (4) | funny | |
28% (6) | really funny | |
19% (4) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Christmas is for money-grubbing pigs who live to stuff their homes with meaningless junk. [pic of xmas pigs] Bring that shit on.
15% (3) | kind of funny | |
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30% (6) | funny | |
30% (6) | really funny | |
25% (5) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
Ah, Christmas. [xmas goats] IâÂÂd rather have goats pee in my mouth. But that's just my feeling about it.
47% (10) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
19% (4) | funny | |
9% (2) | really funny | |
23% (5) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
It's Christmas time! [religious statue hands grasped in gratitute] Time to thank someone for a Josh Grobin CD.
38% (8) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
33% (7) | funny | |
19% (4) | really funny | |
9% (2) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Our love is great. [pic of pile of hundreds of dead fish] Let those who have not tasted it continue standing in judgment.
33% (7) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
28% (6) | funny | |
28% (6) | really funny | |
9% (2) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Before meeting you, I could not imagine my butt being used for anything but poop. [sign with person with hands up, other person gun pointing at him, top of sign reads Protected Place] With you, I feel like anything is possible.
47% (10) | kind of funny | |
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23% (5) | funny | |
9% (2) | really funny | |
19% (4) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
IâÂÂve always said, "Isn't a finger, or a couple fingers enough? What's up with the up-to-the-elbow action? [pic of graffiti, giant fist, index finger pointing at you] With you, I feel like anything is possible.
42% (9) | kind of funny | |
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23% (5) | funny | |
19% (4) | really funny | |
14% (3) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
The time we've spent together is quite like your penis. [storefront with hanging bunches of plantains] Sometimes it seems shorter and sometimes longer but it still works so it's all good.
28% (6) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
33% (7) | funny | |
28% (6) | really funny | |
9% (2) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
It's like asking for a golden tower. [pic of golden tower] And getting a golden shower. Sorry I let you down. I suck.
38% (8) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
14% (3) | funny | |
33% (7) | really funny | |
14% (3) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
It's like when finally it occurs to you, "The Buddha wouldn't smash this bug"--[pic of benevolent buddha] Before you smash it and scream, "I got ya! Because I'm bigger and stronger and smarter." Progress is victory. Congratulations on yours.
9% (2) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
47% (10) | funny | |
23% (5) | really funny | |
19% (4) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of two mannequins talking] âÂÂI heard he has the g-warts. Don't sleep with him.â And I wouldnâÂÂt. Lucky we found each other. YouâÂÂre my hero.
33% (7) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
23% (5) | funny | |
19% (4) | really funny | |
23% (5) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of ripped couch in trash next to dirty milk cartons] âÂÂJust get that shit at IKEA.â And I would. Lucky we found each other. YouâÂÂre my hero.
30% (6) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
35% (7) | funny | |
20% (4) | really funny | |
15% (3) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of Bratz dolls and lime green Barbies] âÂÂDon't go down that road or you'll end up sucking cock a buck a yard." And I wouldnâÂÂt. Lucky we found each other. YouâÂÂre my hero.
35% (7) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
25% (5) | funny | |
15% (3) | really funny | |
25% (5) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say to me: [pic of food cart that says Crazy Cup Corn Mr. Happy Catering] âÂÂLet's go to the buffet and eat like hogs at a trough until we puke in a public trash can.â And I would. Lucky we found each other. YouâÂÂre my hero.
20% (4) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
30% (6) | funny | |
40% (8) | really funny | |
10% (2) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
Friendship like ours is built on honesty and influence. Like, you could say: [pic of mannequin with terrible clothes] âÂÂYou shouldn't wear that anymore--for so many reasons.â And I wouldnâÂÂt. Lucky we found each other. YouâÂÂre my hero.
30% (6) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
35% (7) | funny | |
25% (5) | really funny | |
10% (2) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
Because you're my best friend and I tell you everything, I'll tell you this on your special day. [sign that says RELAX] I've done heroin! I love you, mom. You're the best. P.S. Just kidding. Though one of your other children-who will remain unnamed-has.
19% (4) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
19% (4) | funny | |
38% (8) | really funny | |
23% (5) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
If, while dressed in your Easter best, you see a purple bunny laying a chocolate egg . . .[show two girls dressed in easter dresses] give me the egg and get back on your meds. Happy Easter.
25% (5) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
35% (7) | funny | |
30% (6) | really funny | |
10% (2) | hilarious |
20 voters have answered this question.
You have a baby now! [pic of cherubic baby statue] Let's leave it at that.
33% (7) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
23% (5) | funny | |
14% (3) | really funny | |
28% (6) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
Congratulations about your beautiful new baby. [show pic of little kids in line on field trip holding a rope led by an adult] How soon we stop judging people who keep their children on human leashes.
19% (4) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
28% (6) | funny | |
28% (6) | really funny | |
23% (5) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.
So happy for you. Your baby is so cute! [statue of baby holding up huge dollar sign] I told everyone else their babies were cute too. In comparison, letâÂÂs just say I hope they're good in math or something else that will make them rich.
23% (5) | kind of funny | |
---|---|---|
42% (9) | funny | |
19% (4) | really funny | |
14% (3) | hilarious |
21 voters have answered this question.