User: Emma Badian

Rather than e-mailing you I'll tell you here - there's nothing secret about it. Just the usual mixture of inconvenience, unpreparedness, impatience, silliness, drunkenness, that sort of thing. Example, repeated too often to recall specific instances: leaving a pub by the river near where I live and finding the tide had come in really high and being slightly tipsy and too lazy to go round another way, so wading through anything between two inches and two feet of cold Thames water in the dark and a pair of previously quite smart heels. Another example: 3 August 2004, massive rains and flash floods in London, practically had to walk all the way home because stupid railways were not up to it, and found the subway under the fast road near my house flooded. At first it looked like only a few inches of water but it turned out to be three feet! Anger, frustration and impatience, born of a nightmare journey, kept me ploughing on through it, smart four-inch court shoes notwithstanding. They took it quite well as it turned out. Final example for the moment: returning from a party years ago, as a student, I and another girl took a shortcut through a field near the river, forgetting there was a tributary stream leading into it in our way (we were drunk). We decided to ford it and waded in fully dressed. We were both in classic 80s undergraduette paty dresss of minis and high heel courts, the river bed turned out not to be solid but very soft mud, the water was freezing (though it was June) and we had to swim a bit, so that we got our top halves soaked as well. As we emerged feeling much soberer and very cold we were spotted by a workman arriving early for some building work nearby. Deeply embarrassing. On getting back to the flat we took a (hot) shower together in our clothes and shoes to get the mud off. All very silly but not uncharacteristic of student life; in fact there were plenty of other relevant undergrad episodes I could relate if I get time.

Dear Emma (one Emma B to another) you have all my sympathy. I have never myself experienced much of the pain and discomfort you describe despite wearing heels pretty solidly from slightly younger than you - twenty years ago (I'm 36) - and I was even allowed to wear them at school. Of course my feet get tired from time to time but not what you describe. But several of my friends, both when I was younger and more recently, have described similar symptoms, and at least one of the girls who was your age now has no difficulty (she wears higher heels than me). So here's my advice, for what it's worth. 1. Don't always wear heels. I know you love the look of them and would never willingly wear anything else - you're obviously like me in this, and millions of other girls. But be sensible. There are (believe it or not) some nice flat shoes out there, and it is good to give your feet a bit of variation epecially if they are at present rebelling. 2. By the same token, when you do wear heels, vary the heel height a bit. You don't say what height you favour, but I'd suggest ringing the changes between two inches and four or five rather than continually sticking to one height. 3. Do you wear just boots or just sandals or just courts (pumps)? Again, ring the changes. Boots, in addition, give you support around the ankles which will help with calf pain. Sandals give the least support (and are nowhere near as smart/pretty/sexy as courts anyway). 4. Whatever shoes you wear, make sure they fit properly. If they're too small (and lots of girls I know go for a size to small out of some slight embarrassment at having what they think of as big feet) they will hurt, no question about it. If they're too big, the effort of keeping them on will play havoc with your calves and every step you take you'll slide forward in your shoe a bit and crunch your toe. Walking uncertainly is also very bad for the back. 4. As with so many other things, it really helps to be in reasonably good physical shape (i.e. not overweight, which obviously the feet don't like) and supple. High heels put your legs and body in a position you're not born with (though some people are more natural at it than others) and if you're not careful you can tense up - this guarantees leg and back pain. My advice would be (apart from keeping fit generally) to do stretching and bending exercises so you become as flexible as you can. Athletes and ballerinas wear high heels without difficulty. because they're really supple. I would even advise (and this may seem a little strange) doing some of your exercises, from time to time, in high heels; stretching and bending in particular. Air hostesses used to do this, in the days before they took off their heels during the flight. You can even ride an exercise bike in stilettos (the pedals fit really well under the heels) so there's no reason to have to abandon your favouite shoes to get fit. But I wouldn't advise jogging or anything like that in heels: you'll just make things worse and maybe twist an ankle. Best of luck. I'm sure things will get easier, if you play it carefully. I quite understand your desire never to wear flat shoes again - it's a shame your parents and school didnt let you start earlier. Does your mum wear heels herself? Let me know how it goes. If you want to discuss things, you can always e-mail me at sleekheels at fsmail dot net (sorry I've written it out like that to avoid spam). Love, Emma Badian

Thanks for your tale of woe - I suppose a loss of a pair of heels is nothing to what might have happened to you, but a grim night anyway. Something similar once happened to me (that accounts for one of the 'walking in open country' stories) and my shoes got muddy, wet and scuffed but proved surprisingly robust and they're still with me for when I need to dress down but still want the height - or if I have a premonition of having to walk in open country again. Thanks for the story again.

It depends so much on what she was like, what the nature of the friendship or other relationship is. It's happened to me a couple of times, and on both occasions I found it amusing rather than anything else (this wasn't an option in your poll). One girl was drunk and in a sorry state; I felt sorry for her, steered clear of her and hoped she was not too embarrassed when she woke up the next morning. Mind you, she wasn't very attractive either. The other was defintely was, and was dressed very sexily. In fact it began with a conversation about clothes, trying on each other's shoes, that kind of thing. It was at a party. We were comparing notes over underwear (stockings / tights) when she put her hand on my thigh, in a way that spelled interest. I pretended to misunderstand, as if I thought her interest was just in my hosiery, and I showed her that I was wearing stockings that time; I was having fun and even found it a little exciting. Then I realised it was cruel to lead her on too far, and we both had nice boyfriends and I didn't want to ruin everything so I remved her hand and went off for a drink. Later on, before we left, we had to swop our shoes back (a detail I'd forgotten in my haste to get away) and she gave me a goodbye kiss on the cheek; very chaste. I think she'd probably just been having fun too. That's all.

You didn't ask about shoes. At my school (I boarded during the week) almost everything about the uniform was precisely prescribed except the shoes. As long as they were black court shoes it was basically OK though you were not meant to wear heels before the sixth form, and even in the sixth they were meant to be moderate. The result was that we all (with the exception of a few goody-goodies) tried to wear high heels whenever possible, whether with white socks, black tights or whatever. I realise now we must have looked like a male's fantasy of a girls' school, but we were just showing off to each other and trying to look cool and disrespectful of the rules. In the sixth form you had more choice about jackets and skirts and it was more natural to wear high heels - though they still had to be black courts during the week and on Saturday mornings.