User: Legend_in_our_mist

Do you not have hopes and dreams for your children too. Think about the people you cannot stand the most, whether that is hippies, rednecks etc etc, for me i cannot stand chavs. My brother hangs out with chavs, I love my brother, and i know i will always love my children, but i cannot stand him at the same time. I want him never to have friends round, because i actually dislike his friends.

I have a passionate hate for smoking. If my kids ever smoked, they would be grounded for 3 months or more. I would not let them out the house unescorted. Or i would send them to school in a justin bieber t shirt so they become uncool and so do not smoke.

Peer pressure causes such harm to society and to our children.

If i strived to be like my children and society took that approach then morals would go out the window. Kids want what they can get away with. I was not a child too long ago - i am 20. I remember thinking how could i get away with stuff. I remember thinking about myself, not about others, how to maintain an appearance of moral high ground but still get what i want. I am so glad i matured since then. I matured though because i went through hard times. If you wish you can call it Karma that caught up with me and i recognised it. I still do. Kahlil Gibran is wrong.

Life disciplined me (or i say God but Life for the sake of this conversation). I am grateful that it did. People who are wrong with the world are those that do not discipline or passively discipline. They are not loving their children. You sound too soft if you only ground for a couple of hours - may i ask how old your children are? they may be young and so it can work now, but if your children are around 14+ they could be taking advantage of you.

I do not want my kids to make the same mistakes i made. So much of my life i wish i never did, and i wish i could change. So much i am so glad i never did, and would never change.

Do not think tomorrow is always better, and do not take quotes for truth. Apply what you hear. You spoke with experience but i have experience also. I know that lack of discipline is a disservice to children. However your story did point out to me not to be excessive.

I am not proud of my parents, i always felt they were too soft. I told my mother the other day that if i say i dislike a type of food, this does not mean she needs to take it off the table. I know this will not give me short term what i want. However i know there are lessons i need to learn, including to eat food i dislike.

A great saying i like is. "Be your child's best parent, not your child's best friend".

This means you need to upset them at times, because you need to think what is best for them. They can make their own mistakes but if their mistake is to do drugs etc, this may be a mistake that its not worth it to make.

I will always love my children unconditionally. But if they let me down, i will not be proud of them. I will not hide my disappointment. I hope they will love me enough that they will do what is right, so when they are older and look back in hindsight they appreciate it. I look back at my old school friends who did drugs, smoked, fornicate and I am so glad i did not take that road. They may think i am a loser, but i can say i am honestly happy.

I wish i never started drinking alcohol. I have found in life the more i use substances for fun, the less fun as a whole i have. I may have fun when on the substances but the rest of the time feels so boring and depressing. That is why i will not go back to substances.

True.

Children should live without fear, but also not without discipline. Otherwise they become out of control and will indulge in whatever they feel they can get away with, as they do not fear the consequences of their actions.

I agree that these things you seem to share sound excessive. However i have witnessed lack of discipline and so i think what i at least will take away from this is not to respond with excessive discipline. I remember thinking since everyone is too soft i should be too harsh but your experience has made me re evaluate this.

We can grow with them, unfortuanatly some wish to grow in areas we should keep them away from. I do not know how i could find happiness or ever even look my child in the face again if i found they became a druggie. My experiences in life has lead me to a passionate hate for drugs, smoking and sheesha. Unfortuanatly i also think i could never be happy with anything they did if they were not christian. I understand everyone is entitled to their view but this is something that means a lot to me. Someone i feel so close and have such strong feelings for, i do not know if i could watch them fall away.

I suppose my fear of evil in my children has always lead me to think i would be extreme, however it seems to of pushed you away and so i think i should be softer but still strict. I will not tolerate lies and i will not trust them unless they earn it. I do not want my children thinking they can lie their way out of things. I hope you value discipline as you age as well, just so you do not end up with children who are brats or chavs (if you are english you would understand that, otherwise i could try and provide a chav alternative if you wish).

I do not have a problem with the ethics because as a christian i believe death is not the end. I understand why it is necessary then and i have seen evidence showing that being too gentle with punishments do not work and are a disservice to the public.

As seeing to much harsh punishments, you have realised you did not like it and want to prevent others from experiencing that. However i guess i am approaching this from an angle where lack of punishment and sloppiness in terms of discipline has been demonstrated in all areas and so now when i read the bible, the reason for it and the punishment makes sense.

It would be interesting imagining if you had witnessed lack of discipline like i have, and if i had witnessed excessive discipline whether this would of alternated our opinions on this subject. It would be interesting also if we were able to witness both what our conclusion would be.

@M1ch43l

Okay he could use christianity. But if i said i do not believe in a God, I am an Atheist and therefore since no one can judge me (and for arguments sake i am a dictator of a country) and said therefore i want to kill everyone who had black hair, or kill everyone who wore green. Would you argue saying that atheism is not responsible for that.

Wars will continue. People are passionate about things, and thats a good thing, in many cases people are passionate about religion which is what causes such strong responses. I do not think getting rid of everything people are passionate about is a good idea. Passion can be used for evil, but also good.

I do not know what went on in your circumstance so i cannot say.

However when i look at kids these days - sitting at the back of the bus with their music on loud speaker disturbing the whole bus, these knives and drugs. I do think perhaps a harsher punishment should of been dished out by the parents when they were younger.

My brother shop lifts and steals and i always felt he got away with things much lighter than he deserved.

So i guess from experience a lack of punishment and from potentially too much or extreme punishment we can reach different conclusions on what too much is. A beating to me i always felt if justified is okay. However this may be due to my frustration with the lack of discipline with kids these days.

Understandable though you felt that you had it forced upon you. I hope however you do not allow this to cloud your judgement as i know things have clouded mine before.