User: Tommys_Mom

@thewadzee. My brother is still pretty immature, but he did grow up a lot in his 20s and he's capable of being a functional adult, he has a wife and kids and he works as a teacher. He seems more mature than Flexo99's dad at least. He's stronger than he was when he was a teenager but still nothing compared to girls, he's told me all the girls in his 4th grade class are far stronger than him and sometimes they intimidate him.

I certainly had to disabuse my brother of some notions when we started, he was very stubborn. I must have whooped his $%!@ for days! We laugh about it now. Lyza and Tommy's other babysitters are already using a more nurturing approach with him as he's gotten less beligerant, but he still needs to be spanked sometimes. Hopefully it'll be an extreme rarity by the start of the next school year, he's constantly improving. He doesn't even complain anymore when Lyza has to give him a bath and when she was babysitting him last weekend she said she didn't have to spank him even once. He's starting to really enjoy the attention of Lyza and her friends too, he realized that when he's good they think he's adorable and they fawn over him and make him feel really nice. When he sees a girl he knows now he runs over to her and bends over so she can roffle his hair and pinch his cheek, or just tries to jump into her arms for a quick carry. It's very cute. He's coming to terms with his physical weakness too, it didn't even bother him when Lyza's sister beat him.

@Flexo99. Well the best way to get carried more often is do follow the rules, do your chores, and be good for your sisters, then they'll reward you more. There are some sneaky ways that I see Tommy try too, when he's looking for a lift he tries to play-up his cuteness or even appear to be sad or in a bad mood so that the girl will try to cheer him up. Does your dad like being lifted as much as you do?

@flexo99. Wow, that's such an interesting arrangement! I know some families a bit like that, where the mom has her daughter watch over the dad to make sure he's ok, and even given some authority over him. But the daughter being the sole head of the household at the age of 11, that's pretty impressive! Though from what you've described I suppose it's not too surprising. I have no trouble believing an 11-year-old girl could be more responsible and capable of handing the finances than a man in his 30s, I know some immature man-children who aren't much more mature than teenage boys. Do your sisters have a physical edge over you and your dad to go with their increased intelligence and maturity? I find that's necessary babysitting older males.

@thewadzee. Hi! I think you missed my last reply, it's on the previous page just before Flexo99's first post.

My brother is 4 years older than me. He was extremely immature and badly behaved as a preteen and teen and raised hell when our parents weren't around, and none of the people they hired to watch him could manage to restrain him. Then one day when I was 8 or 9 and he was 13 he announced that he'd been armwrestling with his friends at school and he wanted to do it against me now. In those days it was assumed that boys are stronger than girls, especially younger ones, so even though I was very active and athletic and my brother wasn't we both assumed he'd win easily. So we were both shocked when the opposite happened, I beat him with hardly any effort. At first I thought he was playing a joke on me, but after a bunch of other tests we both realized that I was far, far stronger than him. That changed our relationship pretty fast. I remember dragging him behind me to show our mom what I had discovered, she was shocked too but clearly it gave her an idea. A bit later she told us that she wasn't hiring a babysitter for my brother anymore (I never needed one), and that I was going to be his babysitter when our parents were out. He was appalled at this and that first day he was extremely rebellious, and the only way I could get him in order was a lot of spankings. It was really the only option I had, for someone like he was at the time. It took a couple years but gradually I wore him down to acceptance, and then he started genuinely liking it. By the time he was 15 he was very well behaved and we were closer than ever, he actually got excited when our parents were taking a trip and he'd get to spend a couple days having fun with his 11-year-old "big sister" taking care of him. His favorite part was that he could sleep in my bed when I was babysitting him, whereas normally he had to sleep in his own room. His other favorite part was being carried, he loved that too. I really think all boys do, once they shed the embarrassment anyway. I used it as a reward, he liked being held above my head so he could pretend he was flying, or just being carried on my hip as I did normal stuff.

I can see the same kind of transition happening to Tommy as it did to my brother, turning from a bratty rebellious boy into a cute and well-behaved one. He definitely takes after him when it comes to being carried, it's only in the last couple months he started asking for it. Yeah, he was so determined to be good and do a good job with the dishes after that promise, and he got a front-carry and a piggyback ride for it! He definitely associates her with safety as well, he'd be too scared to go outside because of those damn bullies if he wasn't with her or another girl. Actually all of Lyza's friends and girls their age tend to find him adorable and they're all very protective of him, he can run to one of them whenever someone's giving him trouble.

There isn't much to the full story with Tommy and Lyza's sister. Shortly after I was him armwrestle the 6-year-old boy I was dropping Tommy at Lyza's house, and her sister was there. As an experiment I asked her if she knew how to armwrestle, then I told Tommy to go try her. I think he was curious too because he didn't seem to mind, and he wasn't embarrassed when she slammed his hand down almost instantly. He was impressed even, he asked to feel her biceps and try again with both hands. I left the room for a bit, and when I came back Tommy and Lyza's sister were play-wrestling, and she had him twisted around pinned on the floor. Lyza had to pull her off and tell her to be more gentle. They played with each other some more after I left, under Lyza's supervision, and everything was fine.

Lyza definitely has a caring side, I wouldn't hire her if she didn't. It's a carrot and stick thing. She goes hard on him when she has to and is nice to him the rest of the time.

I suppose "use" isn't the right word, you're right.

Tommy does still resist all of his babysitters to some degree, but he's better with Lyza and other girls with her level of discipline. She does care for him though, I see her pinching his cheeks and telling him how cute he is and inviting him to sit on her lap all the time. I can tell he reluctantly enjoys it, although he is a bit embarrassed. He'll get over the embarrassment, just like he did with the bathing. I know what it's like when a boy resists the younger girl's authority and then learns to accept it, I got that from my brother. When I was first put in charge of him he threw a big tantrum and made a point of never doing anything I told him to, but after a year of tough enforcement of the rules combined with genuine care and affection he came to terms with it and our relationship became very close. He even started calling me "big sister" and I called him "little brother", which was funny as he was always about a foot taller than me.

When Lyza carried him home that time it was a sort of punishment, but that's necessary sometimes and it worked perfectly. He does like to be carried in other situations however, just a few days ago I heard him pestering Lyza to lift him up as soon as she arrived in the house, and she promised she would if he did an extra good job with the washing up. She also told me about a time she was walking him home from school and they had to walk past a group of kids who bully Tommy, he gripped her hand really tight and eventually just jumped into her arms so she could carry him past them.

When Tommy armwrestled against his 6-year-old boy cousin he didn't actually lose, he just couldn't beat him. They were locked in a draw for 5 minutes, exactly evenly matched. Unfortunately that boy is apparently fairly typical for a boy his age, he's not any stronger than his friends and the other boys in his class. Tommy just has next to no muscle development. There are a lot of 6-year-old girls who could beat a physically normal boy Tommy's age, but that he's at the level of a 6-year-old boy is pretty concerning. It obviously means that pretty much every girl toddler-aged and up could wipe the floor with him. He lost resoundingly against Lyza's 3-year-old sister and got quite roughed up (unintentionally) when she was play-wrestling with him, they always need to be supervised when they're together now.

@agnieszka-maria I don't really use CJ very much anymore, Lyza is available most of the time as her elementary school closes before Tommy's high school and she can go pick him up at the gate and walk him home, then stay with him until I get back from work. They see each other practically every day. When she's not available there are other girls around her age I hire, they tend to do best, and I pay quite well so there are always a lot who want the job. Tommy often asks for CJ to babysit him, because she goes easy on him and lets him get away with more and because he dislikes it less when the age difference is smaller. I really prefer the younger ones though, they do a much better job. If CJ wants the job she has to learn to be stricter, maybe one of the younger girls can teach her.

About your daughters, I've always really believed in treating kids according to their maturity level without regard for their age. I was treated as if I was older than my elder brother from a pretty young age and that was definitely the best arrangement, and the families I know that work like that are much better. I have a pair of nephews where the younger brother is in charge of the older one and that works way better for everyone. Point being I don't think there's anything wrong with giving Julia extra privileges over Karolina, like a later bedtime, or with making her responsible for her. It might be good to teach her some responsibility. Maybe you could increase her allowance in exchange for having to take care of Karolina, that would make it a better deal for Julia. Just a suggestion of course, you know your kids better than I ever could. I agree that it's nice that they sleep in the same bed though, my Tommy finds it very hard to sleep alone as well. Usually his babysitter gets in with him until he falls asleep, then goes back downstairs to watch TV for a while.

@thewadzee Carrying a boy around is definitely a great trick, I used to do it with my brother. They always behave much better after that. I remember a time I saw Lyza carrying Tommy down the street and into the house. It turned out he'd been misbehaving and trying to run away on the walk home, and she decided to respond by picking him up and carrying him all the way home past dozens of people! Stuff like that is why Lyza's so great at this, he was very humbled by that and he was on his best behavior for a long time.

It's definitely true that you get outliers for maturity of both genders, but a 17-year-old girl at that level is fairly rare I think. I do know some mature boys though, like one of my nephews.

I'm afraid the 6-year-old cousin that Tommy can't beat in armwrestling is a boy. It almost goes without saying that he couldn't beat a girl that age, that would be far too much for him. Like I said, extreme low end of the spectrum even by male standards. That's one reason I'm extra-protective of him and never want him alone in a room for a single minute. He gets bullied a lot and the worst offenders are these middle school/late elementary school boys, but when there's a girl like Lyza with him they leave him alone.