User: KitsuneAngel1

Hey, it's been a while but I thought I'd update everybody. I didnt really want to post during the summer and since Ive started college I dont have as much free time as before. ): I feel like I've gotten to a pretty good place in terms of dealing with my incontinence. It's not exactly where I wanted to be when I started college but I finally feel like I'm on the right track. :D

I've been in tape-on diapers 24/7 since right around the start of summer. Since I wasn't going to school anymore and didn't have to worry about people noticing I kinda stopped paying as much attention to when I have to pee during the day and started making it to the toilet a lot less. My parents started getting mad at how often my pullups would leak so one day they basically told me the same thing a lot of other people on here have and basically said I wasn't trying hard enough to make it to the bathroom to still wear pullups and I'd be wearing abenas during the day from now on. A while later my Dad said if I really still wanted to wear them I could buy them myself or earn my way back to them if I was good at keeping up with changes on my own and made sure I used the toilet more than my abenas for a week, but that's just so much work and idk if I could keep that up for long enough even if I tried. :\

That made me really mad and tbh I acted out a lot during the summer, got in trouble a lot and dug myself an even deeper hole, but I finally got used to it, realized that my parents just want what's best for me and going along with them is easier and better in the long run than fighting them. (Camp helped with this a lot) I know I can't have everything I want yet, but I'm trying rebuild trust with my parents and so it's their decision when I'm ready. Plus I realize now where I'm at now isn't so horrible... My routine hasn't changed too much from when I was in high school really. I wear diapers during the day instead of pull-ups and my Mom and I worked out a diaper check schedule that I think is an ok compromise and is definitely better than when it was basically 100% random but otherwise it's still pretty much the same. I get checked after breakfast, after lunch, at 3, after supper and before bed. I get checked regardless of whether or not I think I'm wet so I just wait until after being checked to change unless it's really bad. Since I've been in tape diapers 24/7 and changing at the same times every day I almost never leak which is awesome. Even if the abenas leak a little I wear a plastic diaper cover when I'm at home that makes sure it doesn't get into my clothes or furniture! (It's too crinkly to wear anywhere but at home tho )':)

It feels great to almost never have to worry about leaks. Ironically even though I'm in tape-on diapers and have diaper checks I feel more indepedent and free than when I wore pull-ups. (: The only downside is that I get ready for bed after supper now, but wearing an abena for only like an hour an a half before I put my night diaper on at 8 was a waste since I usually wet both and still had to change again before bed. This way saves an abena and time and my parents even let me stay up 30 minutes later on weekends now!

The biggest change since the last time I posted is probably clothes... I had to get a lot of new clothes once I stopped wearing pull ups. If you wear a diaper a onesie is even more important than a bra imo and literally the only time I'm not wearing one nowadays is when I'm in pjs like rn. I did wear shortalls and rompers a lot in the summer but now that it's cooler I rock the onesie, top & overall combo a lot or if I'm not feeling it a jumpsuit. On Tuesday and Thursday I only have one class early in the morning so I've been wearing the pants from the lounge sets my grandma made for me to those. Sometimes I wear the matching shirt but if I do I'll throw a hoodie on over the top but usually a onesie, t-shirt and boots is just fine. It's so early in the morning a lot of girls and even some guys wear comfy clothes like sweats and pj pants to it so I don't stand out.

I just got some special high-waisted jeans with snaps too that I want to try out but they're a little too tight around my diaper area for me to want to wear them to class, but it's good to know jeans are at least an option again! (:

My jammies are basically the same as they've always been. The only difference is because I haven't got any new front zippered pjs in a long time so I only have three or four left. (my Mom stopped getting them for me and told everyone else to do the same way back in like the spring) IDC about that as much as I used to tho, there's really not much practical difference between front and back zippered jammies since I don't wear pull-ups anymore. My diaper check schedule means that I never change without someone unzipping or unsnapping me first anyway. P: Don't get me wrong, it'd still be nice to have front zippered jammies to wear to bed, but they can wait until my parents think I'm ready to do diaper checks on my own. Right now leg zippered jammies are where it's at. :P

I might edit this later with some answers to questions or some more updates but rn it's supper time! :D Nomnomnom.

Edit4carg<3:

About school and college: Yup! I had little bit of senioritis so I let my grades slip a little senior year but I graduated with a 3.6 GPA and 12 college credits! I did go to my state college. So far I really like it and if I don't I can always transfer once I get the rest of my generals done.

I'm working on an English degree with a double minor in creative writing and journalism. It's way, way, way, way, way, way, way harder than high school was but at the same time I'm really excited to finally be learning what I want to learn!!! :D

I went to camp too. It was bittersweet since it was my last year there, but I really needed a break from my parents and it helped me out with some stuff I was going through too. I'll miss my friends from there though. ):

You were right about me not being able to win the battle with my parents. It took me a while to realize that but I'm trying my best to regain their trust and follow all the rules (Yes, even the ones I don't agree with) now and they're trying to be more patient with my mistakes so I barely ever get in trouble now. I cant even tell you how much better it feels not to be fighting with them constantly.

I'm glad your life is going better now and I'm sorry it's been so long since I responded. I know you're always like "don't worry about it" but you've a big help to me for a long time and were patient with me even when I was being super immature and acting out. Thanks. <3

Sorry it took so long to respond, I got grounded from the computer for a little bit. ):

Anon: I mean, just because I don't have any chores, let my parents handle my school stuff and play video games and watch shows a lot and would rather use the diaper (that I have to wear regardless, remember?) than use the bathroom doesn't mean I can't be responsible ever. Like its not my fault my parents dont give me any chores and I still get good grades and even though its my parents who sign me up and handle a lot of my extracurriculars I still do them and am good at the ones I do. Like I dont think it will ever get to the point of my parents actually changing me lol.

I totally agree that my parents should let me handle this stuff on my own though, they just need to understand that its not the end of the world if I dont change right away and that sometimes it's worth it to me to wear less protection even if I'm more likely to leak since I'm never going to stop 100% of leaks anyway.

About college: I mean I'm going to college, I havent got all my acceptance letters yet but I did get accepted to the local university that I was probably going to go to. And getting put back in back zippered jammies didnt really change that, I was planning on staying with my parents for the first year regardless. I dont want to live in the dorms so my only other option is to get an apartment but I don't want to get a job, especially while I'm in school. With the rest of the stuff, I like what you're saying about how I should be able to choose the clothes and protection I wear 100% on my own, but I don't really agree with some of the other stuff you said I need to do... like not having to change right away after I'm wet and never having leaks. The whole reason I wear Abenas instead of pull ups so often when I'm at home is so I dont have to change right away and can do it when I feel like it and the whole point of being able to choose my own diapers is so I dont have to wear super thick diapers when I don't want to (like to bed or in the car) and can maybe start wearing goodnites again. So yeah... I'm not gonna do either of those lol, but I totally agree on the other stuff, except for getting TV and stuff taken away for breaking rules.

About philosophy: I understand what you're saying, but I can't help feeling embarrassed about still wearing diapers and still having sitters and everything at my age. :\ I dont think being confident about them will change whether people will make fun of me or judge me if they find out, just maybe they won't do it to my face. I'd rather just not have to deal with it. Not everything is like that, I still would keep my stuffed animals even though its kinda embarrassing to sleep with them at my age. There's a couple other things that are embarrassing but practical at the same time, stuff that's nice to use sometimes but wish I didn't NEED them, like my pjs and diapers. Like I'd be embarrassed to let someone know I have them, but its ten times worse to actually need them. Then there's other stuff like sitters and diaper checks that's both embarrassing and sucky besides that. That's the stuff I dont want to learn to deal with or be confident about or not embarrassed by because it would be so much easier if I just didnt have to any of it at all. I feel like Im pretty good at all the other stuff you mentioned already though, but Ill still look at Atlas Shrugged when I get a chance. (:

Carg: I'm sorry about the negative stuff on your mind... ): Are you OK?

Yeah you're right. They want me to "grow up" but they just don't think I'm doing it. :\ My Dad always says if you want to be treated like an adult I have to act like one. Its super frustrating because I get good grades and don't stay out late or go to parties or anything like that, but just because I'm not growing up the way they want they think I'm acting like a kid. >: I just wish they didnt make such a big deal about being "responsible" with my protection.

Like I know I still act a little immature for my age so I'm okay with being treated a little like a kid for some stuff, and there's some kid stuff I don't want to give up (stuffed animals, cutesy clothes, a couple other things) but why don't they let me choose when I want to be treated more grown up too? Why can't I have both?? :S

About checks: Nope, no more unannounced checks from my Aunt since they're on a schedule now. And she always reminds me when it's time so that's nice I guess. I still think they're kindof dumb, but I usually wear stuff that snaps or zips up in the legs when I'm over there to make everything easier and less time-consuming.

About suspenders: I don't think they'd really go with any clothes I have at the moment. And besides that the only way to really style them is to wear them hanging down and so they wouldn't do much good like that lol. They're a lot like ties imo, they're either a guy or lesbian thing unless you wear them a certain way. I'll probably just stick with overalls until I get back in to goodnites during the day tbh.

About keeper sleeprs: No it wasn't and I'd assume so but I didn't ask. :\ Idk whether I can take them off on my own yet. I havent worn them that much and the one time I tried my Dad caught me messing with the tab before I got anywhere. Tbh I doubt that I could but I might as well try. shrug

About back zippered pjs: So even though you disagree with how many strikes I got you think since I broke the rules I still should be wearing them now? ):

About leaks: It really depends but its rare that I have a bad one that leaves more than a tiny wet spot on any furniture. I know about the smell, thats why I wear perfume literally all the time when I'm out of the house to make sure nobody can tell. (: I've tried going to the toilet before I really have to go for forever though and it barely changes anything. :\ I mean it helps some, but not enough for it to be worth constantly running back and forth to the bathroom. More protection under my pullups doesn't really help since wearing a stuffer with them actually makes them more likely to leak for some weird reason and even if it did it makes them like 10x more obvious so I wouldn't want to wear it anyway.

About people at school knowing: o_o' OMG I seriously hope not.

About giving up: ): I mean maybe I have given up on becoming more mature a little bit but you don't understand how hard it is. Following all these rules sucks. I tried for a little bit but it was just so sloooooowwwww and now I'm just over it. :| I think I would be just fine if my parents just let me deal with my incontinence the way I want to, like let me wear goodnites during the day for example, or maybe even normal underwear if I feel like it and promise to try to make it to the bathroom. I tried doing it their way and it didn't work so now I'm gonna do it my way until they realize I'm not going to follow all their rules until they change them. But what do you mean by my parents probably wont give me another chance anytime soon unless I improve? Cuz I'm not gonna start trying again until they make some changes lol. I'm already in diapers or pull ups 24/7, I've got nowhere else to go but up, so if they want to make an effort at being responsible there's gonna have to be some changes first.

About making improvements in my life: I know I've given up on stuff like social status some, but I can't improve anything there until I win this battle with my parents. All the diapers and sitters and stuff just make it ten times harder than it needs to be.

If I can vent about one thing thats been bothering me lately tho, it's super annoying how random my Mom's diaper checks are. Sometimes I'll go all day without getting checked and other times it happens like 3 times a day. Its super frustrating because I have to drop everything when it happens and since I'm usually wet when she does she makes me change literally immediately. >: Like I'll be in the middle of a competitive game in overwatch or reading and she won't even let me wait until I'm done so I lose my place in the book or lose the game, make all my teammates mad at me and I cant search for a new game for like 15 minutes after I get kicked off.

Anyway, I was gonna type more but my Moms bugging me to come get checked before bed so I probably wont have time to finish up tonight! I'll try to finish up tomorrow. (:

Hi Anon!

I saw your post earlier and I'm super happy you changed your mind! (: So you don't think I'll still have back-zippered jammies and babysitters in college or end up with rules like the ones pliny posted anyway if I don't change? Also, you don't still think I need to give up pullups do you?

I mostly agree with the stuff you said, like I know I'm a little childish for my age and stuff but I doubt I'm nearly as immature as people like my Aunt think I am. Sometimes I wish my parents would just butt out and let me deal with everything the way I want to. There's a bunch of things like that: My parents always say I'm bad at knowing when to change but they want me to do it within like the half hour after I realize I'm wet. Except the whole reason I change into abenas when I get home is so I don't have to change right away, it sucks having to get up, let my parents know and then change just generally anyway so if I'm doing something like reading, drawing, gaming or watching TV I'd rather wait until I'm done to do it. And sure, sometimes they leak cuz I didnt change fast enough, but leaks are just part of wearing diapers and really arent that big of a deal. It causes MAYBE one extra load of laundry for my Mom and if I leak on something I clean it up myself almost half the time and when I do, most of the time nobody notices cuz its just water really. :\

Having to wear certain diapers at certain times is pretty dumb too. I should be able to choose what diapers I wear when, like not gonna lie my night diapers are pretty comfortable but if I feel like wearing abenas to bed I should be able to. I slept in them a couple times when I could wear front zippered jammies to bed and I only leaked once and even then it was a tiny leak that nobody but me noticed.

Anyway, I'll get in to all that when I get around to responding to pliny. I saw you said I should have a clear path of success to getting rid of being treated like a kid for my diapers. What would that look like?

About dating and stuff: I get what you're saying and I think I appreciate it but you don't really know me either. Like they're probably guys I could try to make something happen with but even ignoring all my incontinence stuff I'm not the type to make the first move at all. And even then that's ignoring the fact that there's literally no guys that are interested in me or even that I could concievably "get" that I like. All I want is a guy who's genuinely nice (not all this fake "nice" bull$%!@ that so many guys my age put up), is close to as smart as I am and isn't totally disgusting to look at. There's a few people like that at my school but they're either taken, gay or out of my league.

And don't take this the wrong way becuase I know you're just trying to help and I appreciate your responses but I don't want to talk about sex stuff. :\ I've heard about this stuff before I read the thing and yeah while some of it definitely applies to me it's 1000% not a sex thing and I definitely don't want my boyfriend to act like a parent. Like I know guys like to feel like they're "in charge" and that's okay but that's too far for me.

About Christianity: I believe in God but I'm not super Christian either. I'm technically Lutheran but I don't see what the big difference is between all the different types of Christianity.

For trips, if it were up to me I'd just wear a pull-up and a pair of front zippered footie pjs, but if I can't have that I'd still probably wear night diapers, just without the stuffer because its more comfortable. Abenas can only really hold one big wetting, maaaaaaaaybe two with a stuffer and its not comfortable at all to have to sit in a super soaked diaper until we can stop somewhere to change. Since night diapers are more absorbent I can use it a few times before it starts to be uncomfortable and most trips I can get away without changing until we get where we're going so I don't have to worry about getting out of the car. With Abenas I'd guarantee I'd have to change at least once on like a 4 hour trip and a soaked abena with a stuffer might be less obvious than a night diaper but not by much.

Plus I kinda hate when my parents try to make me use the bathroom cuz it never helps and if I'm not wearing pull-ups Id rather just stay in the car. Tbh I havent actually used a bathroom on trips in a long time and thats fine with me since most public bathrooms are nasty.

It feels super awkward and embarassing to talk about the other stuff but I take care of that right away in the morning every day. It's pretty much the only time I actually use the toilet if I'm at home all day lol. I mean accidents sometimes happen but not very often and even then 75% of the time it's cuz I'm sick.

With school, yeah I don't really keep track but I've definitely been using the bathroom less and my pullups more. It used to be just a backup but now it's probably close to 50-50, but I'm on my changing game really hard at school since I can skip class whenever cuz of it and I don't usually leak and I've never ever had a really bad one. With my clothes I just started trying to wear dark colored bottoms more often but I dont have a ton of them so it's not like all the time or anything. I read that you said people at school probably know about my problem but just arent saying anything and you said you'd tell me why???

About permission, idk it's not really a thing where I need to get permission... I'm just supposed to let someone know before I change because my doctor told my parents they should keep track of my accidents, so I get in trouble if I don't do that. It's the same reason I get in trouble for hiding accients. They used to be cooler about it but I kinda told them I was only having like maybe one accident a day back when I was wearing goodnites but was actually having like three or four. :\ It's a long story but basically they said it made all the doctors appointments I had for it a waste and the doctor I was seeing for it was super expensive for some weird reason... idk tho, doctors havent really helped with this at all and its not like I wanted to go to the doctor anyway. That was all them.

And with hiding accidents, I don't know... it's complicated. I havent told them Ive given up so they think I'm still trying to make it to the bathroom and they still think I have some medical condition that makes it so I can't during the day. :\ So sometimes I feel bad about giving up so I try to make it seem like I'm making it sometimes... idk, like I said its complicated and I don't really want to get into it.

About looking zippers: Yeah I don't want to do that. I'd rather have a lock on my diaper drawer like pliny suggested than have a locking zip on all my pjs, but I think neither is best. (:

Back!

Did I ever tell you guys how much wearing a stuffer sucks? Like my night diapers are honestly really comfortable if you ignore how bulky they are, but stuffers totally ruin that. I never remember how annoying they are until I wear them again because I only wear them when I'm traveling or sleeping out of the house, but tbh I'd take it out rn if I could. I really need to get my parents to stop sending them with me places somehow. They're not very soft, make the diaper feel kinda lopsided and sometimes they move around and get into a weird angle that makes it even more uncomfortable. And its worse when I have to wear them before bed cuz they make it harder to walk around and sit down normally because of the added bulk. That last part is even more annoying than normal because this time I've been wearing them since like six.

I don't think too much has changed otherwise. I still wear the same protection and everything and I haven't really got much for new clothes. I guess I finally got a couple keepr sleepers cuz my Mom said if anyone was getting me pjs for Christmas they need to be back zippered cuz I have enough front zippered ones. I haven't worn them much. The fabric isnt as comfy as most of my other ones and them seem like theyre more for summer anyway. Why do they have to be so form fitting tho? Any diaper, even my pullups would be super obvious under them. If they are being made for people who wear diapers shouldn't they at least TRY to hide the diaper? For some reason all my back zippered pjs are more form fitting than the front zippered ones, but with these you couldn't have tried to hide it less if you tried. And the patterns suck too, at least the ones I got. The footed one is gray and white and the one without feet is pink and white and they both straight up look like jail clothes cuz of the stripes.

Idk if I already said since it's been so long but I realized a few months ago that its pretty much pointless to try to make it to the bathroom when I have to pee. I mean I still try when I'm at school because I'm scared of leaks but Ive totally given up on it while I'm at home, especially since I usually wear abenas so most of the time I have to get a whole new diaper if I do. I felt kinda guilty about it for a while but its just easier this way and its finally starting to feel more normal now. It hasn't really changed anything for me at home too much... Mom will check me if she thinks I've gone too long without asking for a change but she usually lets me handle it so it doesnt happen too often. One thing I learned was that leaks are bound to happen sooner or later when I'm at home so it's not that big of a deal (hasn't happened at my Auntie's yet tho, which is good cuz she would be maaad). I try to wear darker clothes the few times I go out of the house in my abenas just in case, especially if I'm already a little wet when I leave.

Carg:

About losing front zip pj privileges: Yeah, I needed some time to process it. I was really mad for while but I've got over it now for the most part. I still think I should be allowed to wear at least front-zippered pjs (even pj pants or sweats) and don't think I should have to wear these night diapers and I'm not gonna give up on that but I'm dealing with it. If they don't want me to take my diapers and pjs off they should let me wear the ones I want to wear. I hope they'll understand that at some point...

Am I mad at myself? Maybe a little bit for getting too greedy and getting caught, but not really since it wasn't my fault. There's so many reasons. The first time would have been fine if Rosa didn't screw up and wake me up to change after she let me wait to put on my night diapers. My parents even agreed it was kinda her fault. And the second time I wouldn't even have been caught if the pullup worked like it was supposed to. And then my Mom thought I hiding that wet night diaper and lying about it even tho I wasnt so thats part of why too. And finally its also my parents fault cuz if they wouldn't make me wear night diapers and back zippered jammies for so long and instead just let me choose what protection and pjs to wear myself I wouldn't even want to try something new it wouldn't even had been an issue. :/

Plus there's that thing you were talking about that the neurologist said, basically that it's not totally my fault when I break the rules anyway cuz my brain hasn't totally matured yet. Like you said, I was acting age-appropriate (unlike what my parents said) so its pretty unfair for me to have to wear back zippered pjs again just because of that, especially if I cant even control if I do or don't. I think you can agree after hearing what happened that I 100% still deserve to be allowed to wear front zippered jammies rn right? (:

About Rosa: Well I kinda already told her how I felt at the time... but I went over to apologize like the day after my last post and she wasn't as mad as I thought she was. She said she'd still babysit but that I have to realize that when she's watching me that she might be my friend but she's also my babysitter and that means that she is the boss so I have to respect her and do what she says and that even if she doesn't make the rules she is still responsible for making sure I follow them, but I'm just happy she agreed to babysit again. :D

I'm sorry I haven't gotten to you yet Anon, I wanted to respond to carg first since he's been waiting forever, but I read your post and I promise I'll respond to it soon, OK? (:

Sorry for taking so long to respond. ):

After everything I kinda didn't want to talk about this stuff for a while, but I've been staying at my aunties for most of spring break and I kinda want to vent about it for a minute. I'm having a better time now but still... Tho once I'm done I promise I'll respond to everybody! (:

It started with my aunt picking me up from school, which was fine, but for some reason my Mom had her stop at home before that to pack my stuff for the weekend instead of having my Mom pack like we planned and she had no idea wtf she was doing. I'm staying with her for 6 days and she only packed ONE onesie and for bottoms packed a pair of skinny jeans I havent worn in years and a pair of capris. That normally wouldn't have been that big of a deal except she didn't want me wearing pull-ups at her house cuz the last weekend she watched me I only made it to the bathroom twice and my pullups leaked once. But the skinny jeans don't fit me anymore at all and the capris only fit over pullups. :////

So the only bottoms I had to wear were the bottoms to my 2pc hello kitty footie set and a pair of overalls. (The olive ones... i guess I also had the shortalls with the big buttons but its too cold)

For the past month she's been doing this thing where I have checks after lunch, at 3 and before bed because she says I'm bad at letting her know when I'm wet. Apparently she'll stop doing it once I stop being wet when she checks and start asking about changes more often, but with abenas especially its not like I need to change immediately and anyways its kinda pointless to change at 2 if I'm still gonna get checked at 3 regardless of whether or not I do.

Even worse, I got in trouble for changing myself without permission and hiding the diaper so I had to wear my pjs for half of monday and all day yesterday. (at least I got to wear abenas during the day tho) Then later on monday my Aunt overheard me telling my cousin I'd let her borrow my Nintendo Switch if she didn't tell her that she had unzipped me, so she's making me go to bed an hour early for the entire time I'm here. I did finally get to wear something other than pjs today, which is nice since I've spent most of the last two days in them. I'm wearing my hello kitty 2 piece set rn and even though I normally only ever wear them with pullups so its not ideal (The pants slide down so I've been constantly pulling my pants up all day and even then the diaper still sticks up out the top of them :|) but everything else is dirty and its still better than having to wear pjs all day.

The last thing I want to vent about is my cousin. She's awesome and I love her to death I just wish my Auntie wouldn't put her in charge of me when she leaves. I mean she's almost a whole two months younger than me! It's embarassing! >: I recognize that she's super grown up for her age and to her credit she tries her best to make the whole situation as non-embarassing as possible, but that only helps so much. It's still the worst when I have to ask her to unzip me when I need to change or when she has to check me at 3. Even when my Aunt is home we have the same bedtime but she can get ready whenever she wants but I have to get ready like instantly after supper. I think she should at the very least make her get ready for bed at the same time I do when I'm staying here. Having to do it literally like 4 hours before she does makes me feel like a freaking little kid and getting an early bedtime as a consequence just makes it worse. I've been trying my best not to break any rules while I'm here just because my Aunt threatened to move it to 8 instead of 9 if I did but it's total BS that an early bedtime is even a consequence. I'm too old for that. Like wtf, why can't she just go with the normal consequences instead?

I mean, overall it hasn't been as bad as I made it all sound. It was really nice spending time with my cousin and having time off from school but there's been some SUPER BS moments and oh my godddd I can't wait to get back home. Anyway I gotta go rn, it's close to supper time here and then I have to get changed for bed but I'll come back and respond and update you guys once I'm done. (: