User: carg85

Hi Kitsune,
my life is more stable again, after a period of conflict and then a complete remodel of my bathroom and toilet, but it still has taken a while to respond since I don't really know much to write. Your situation seems pretty stable at the moment, with your choice to first focus on the battle with your parents, which I expect you can't win: they hold all the power, and in their view at least you repeatedly failed the tests where they gave you more responsibility, so it doesn't sound likely that they will change the rules if they don't see any improvement from your side. (But of course I don't even know the people involved personally, so I might easily be wrong.)

By now you probably finished high school? I assume you graduated with good grades? What are your plans for the summer? Camp again? And will you indeed go to the local university you were already accepted into?

Here the weather has been pretty hot and dry lately. I guess warm weather is more uncomfortable to you, with a warm diaper and you can't really wear flimsy clothes if you want to hide the diaper, so it is probably shortalls mostly? And onesies at night can be hot too...

Anyway, I hope things are going OK with you, and you have some nice things to do this summer.

Alisandra, What age are you, and why does your mother think you don't only need a harness, but even wrist straps?

Yes, back buttoning clothes are popular at the moment, and I've heard many girls/women are not aware they will need help getting them on and/or off. I wonder if many such items are returned to the store then, or that most people will just deal with the inconvenience. With your bodysuit you'll likely have crotch snaps, so you only need help when changing - with jumpsuits and rompers you need someone around every time you need to visit the bathroom. Anyway, thanks for your contribution.

It's been a while since I checked here; I had started to check less often if there was a reply, and the last few weeks I had other things on my mind. (Negative things, so perhaps the tone of this post is a bit more negative than normal.) It was no surprise to me that Kitsune took a while to respond, though it took longer than I expected.

Luckily some others replied to Kitsune as well. My opinion is somewhere in between Pliny and Anon; I think Pliny is too strict, suggests several inappropriate measures (pacifier??), and it seems strange to me that (s)he expects Kitsune to share that post with her parents - what teenager would do that? But the post is similar in severity to many poll answers, so it is interesting to see such opinions are out there as well, and how Kitsunes parents measures seem acceptable in comparison.

Anon seems to me a bit too lenient, as if Kitsune is purely a victim of circumstance and has not contributed to the situation. My impression is that the adults around Kistune are not deliberately trying to keep her kid-like and dependent, but seriously believe she is not yet ready for more responsibility. But anyhow, in the end the situation is as it is, and she can't change her parents. From what she told us, it seems to me that Kitsune has already tried talking to her parents, and seems to have reached the limit on what they will allow. So I like to focus on helping Kitsune cope with the present situation.

[start of preaching]
I have a failproof tip for Kitsune not to get caught breaking the rules: DON'T BREAK THEM. Getting caught will only reinforce their belief that you are not ready for more responsibility. And even if you get better in cheating - suppose you will only get caught once every 10 times you break the rules - are the consequences really worth what you gain from breaking them?
It's the same way for adults, but more dire. There will always be rules, from the law, a landlord, an employer. And if you are caught breaking them the consequences can be life-changing (jail, eviction, sacked).
And yes, taking risks and breaking rules is age-approriate for teenagers, but that doesn't make it right, and the idea is that you learn from mistakes and become a more careful and responsible 20er. (Like a toddler hopefully learns sooner or later that touching the hot stove is not a good idea, even though touching it is age-appropriate.)
There might be situations where rules don't fit well - but in those cases it's best to ask permission to deviate from the rules.
[end of preaching]

Anyhow, let me respond to some parts of Kitsune's posts:
- It sounds like your aunt is still treating you with little respect, and sees you as more immature than your parents do. I hope she at least no longer does unannounced diaper checks? But like I mentioned before, she is probably uncertain of how to deal with you exactly, and doesn't want to fail in upholding your parents' rules. Your cousin seems to experience the same issues as Rosa in being in charge of you: it is hard to be both your friend and your 'sitter'.
- For pants sliding down you might consider suspenders? Perhaps you can find some fun ones? Or would that be too much of a fashion statement for you? Overalls are often more practical though.
- So you did get some Little Keeper Sleepers. I bet that wasn't your own suggestion ;-) So the gift givers found them on their own? I can imagine they are not your favorites, although they are not as warm as fleece, so nicer for summer. You can't get out of them by yourself? At least your parents don't seem to force you to wear them.
- I do think it was rather strict of your parents to revoke your front-zip rights on only one strike, but you knew that in advance and still took the risk. Once parents set a rule, they can't go back on it when it is broken without damaging their authority. (Like if someone hits you at school, and you say: 'hit me again and I will hit you back'. Then you'll have to hit them back if they do it again or they will keep hitting you.) So in their position, I might have given you more than one strike, but after that I would revoke your front-zip rights too.
- If you talk about leaks happening pretty regularly, is that just a bit of a wet spot on your bottoms, or does the surface you're sitting on get wet too? Once pee gets into a chair / couch / mattress the smell is probably hard to get rid of. Wearing dark clothes will make it les likely that the stain is spotted, but if people regularly notice you're smelling of pee they might start to suspect something too. So especially at school I think it would be useful to try what you can to prevent leaks (e.g. going to the toilet regularly even if you don't yet have the urge / wearing slightly more protection / ...).
- I don't believe what an earlier post claimed that everybody at school would already know about your diapers - they would not keep quiet about something like that.
- I am sad that you don't only seem to have given up on trying to make it to the bathroom, but also on becoming more adult. To be blunt and negative, I get the impression you're not taking responsibility for your actions, are mostly choosing what you want and not what is right, are not accepting authority, and I haven't heard anything on picking up working on your social status again, like we started just before you went back to back-zips. Of course this is put too black-and-white, and only based on the limited information I have, but after the summer a new chapter in your life will start, and I worry that it might be hard for you to cope well with the changes (more responsibility) and make a better start (socially) than at high school. And if you don't improve, I doubt that your parents are going to give you another chance to prove yourself any time soon.
- I know going back to back-zips hit you hard, but that was months ago, so if you feel like it's time to try and make some improvements in your life again, let me know, and I'll help you figuring out what to pick up first, and how.

I agree that harnesses are more suitable than collars for children. Dogs have a quite different neck, can stand pulling better, and a corrective pull matches the throat-biting other dogs use to correct misbehavior. Human throats are way more vulnerable (choking, damage to the larynx).

Carinne, how old is the boy you mention (with the sleeping overall)?